If you have been on the internet anytime recently, you may have seen videos of so-called Karens circulating around different social media platforms. These are videos of (mostly) women having their meltdown in stores, parking lots, or restaurants. It often involves foul language and insults directed at someone. Could they be having difficulty dealing with negative emotions?

Whenever I see one, I often wonder how these people handle their anger and other negative emotions.

I also wonder, what led to this explosive reaction?

Disclaimer

Before we move on. I would like to put on record that I feel bad for the Karens of the world to have been put on such a label. To begin with, correlating a name to a certain behavior is derogatory. Besides, I know a few people named Karen, and I can attest that they are good people.

The Last Straw

When my son was a toddler, I worked as a systems analyst, and my stress level was off the roof. I had too much on my plate back then. I had to beat deadlines at work, deal with people, pay the bills, and take care of my son.

It got to a point where even the smallest things that merely irritate others — angered me.

One time, I scolded my toddler for accidentally spilling his drink. I raised my voice, and he was shocked. He cried and ran to his room.

When my unjustified anger cooled down, I went to his room to apologize. Then until now, my boy was quick to forgive, which I’m very thankful for.

Before I went to sleep, I evaluated the circumstance. I had a report due the next day, and I was days behind on the task. It was tax season, so that added to the hassle. And my computer just gave out, so I was worried about the files left on my old one, not to mention the sudden additional expense.

The spilled milk was the last straw. I was resisting the urge to just break down in tears the whole day. When my son flipped his cup over, my balloon burst.

Us and Our Emotional Jars

We are just humans. We are imperfect vessels of a perfect being (our spiritual selves). Our inner being is made only of pure love and infinite intelligence. But as for our physical bodies, we have a limit. We can only handle so many things at once, including emotions. It’s like every one of us is born with an emotional jar that we can fill with any emotion. It can break if not handled with utmost care! This is why I am a strong believer in routine self-care.

We have no idea when bad things may happen. As much as we only want great things to take place, these unwanted circumstances give color to our lives. Like a photograph, we need shadows to contrast the highlights. We define what we want via unwanted situations.

We, as a civilization, celebrate people who withstood life’s biggest challenges. We glorify them and their heroic acts but rarely do we acknowledge that these circumstances also took a toll on their mental, emotional, and even spiritual health.

This is why many of us want to be heroes (which is a good thing) but are going through life without the slightest idea that the greatest heroes moved the biggest mountains. When faced with slight adversity, we get overwhelmed and fill up our emotional jar easily.

Weekend Forever?

Imagine a life without any challenges at all. You wake up with no problems; you get everything you want in a blink of an eye. You don’t have to work because you don’t need to buy food. You can just lay in your cozy bed all day every day watching Netflix, munching on Pringles, and drinking Dr. Pepper.

That sounds good as a weekend (ok, maybe a month) staycation. But as an everyday situation? Yikes! That sounds boring!

If that’s what life looks like, we will lose our purpose.

And our purpose is what keeps us going. So, to go through life, we need to be masters in handling our emotions. It’s not a weekend forever. Even when we are working on our labor of love, we will have challenges, and we have to be prepared to tackle them head-on.

So, what should we do when we are overwhelmed with negative emotions? Here are a few things that work for me and I know will work for you too.

3 Steps to Successfully Handle Negative Emotions

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

Most people choose to suppress their hurts, anger, fears, and insecurities. They put them in a box hidden in the back of their minds, like a bodega of junk. Out of sight, out of mind.

Many people don’t like sitting in silence alone with their thoughts because they think their minds will devour them – or because they feel guilty to even have them in the first place. But, the more we deny negative emotions, the more they build up and can cause a bigger problem in the future.

No matter how difficult it is for us to listen to our emotions, eventually, we will have to open our cabinet doors. Let the plates fall, and try to salvage as much as we can from the incident.

At least, when we do so, we still have a working cabinet. A place to put on new plates and a chance to start over.

2. Change What You Can Change

Once you acknowledge your negative emotions, you can slowly figure out what triggers you into feeling them. If you have the chance and ability to change it, do so.

For example, if your frustrations come from a toxic workplace – perhaps you can consider strategizing your exit plan. You can also send suggestions to your management to fix what can be fixed. You can start a small business on the side to catch your fall when you quit your job and look for a new one.

But what if you can’t do anything about the situation?

Perhaps, you have deep-seated anger at your parents from a traumatic childhood. You can’t go back in time to fight back or escape.

Actually, there are still two things you can do about it.

First, make sure that the cycle ends with you. If you are a parent, make sure that you teach them the lessons you weren’t taught, and love them the love you did not receive.

Second, forgive. This is a pill that’s very hard to swallow. Trust me, I know. But forgiveness is worth it. When we forgive, we do so not for the sake of those who hurt us but for our own sanity.

The one thing you don’t want to do is to dwell in your negative emotions and thoughts, as this will only intensify that vibration in you, and, according to the Law of Attraction, “that which is like unto itself, is drawn”. Recognize, process, take any necessary action and move on.

3. Breathe

Of course, we need oxygen to live. But that’s not what I mean.

Take a breather. Go for a hike. Fly a kite. Ride a bike. Do anything that would make you smile. Make yourself feel alive again. You’ve just hit the restart button on your life; you might as well start making good memories again. Or recall existing good memories. Refocus and reframe your mind, so that your energy will attract more good things your way.

In Karen’s Case

Because our lives are filled with stress-inducing factors, we often spend our time tuning out these negativities. And when we get triggered, we burst. Most Karens on the internet were just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Maybe, they are not really that rude. Even the gentlest people could be unpredictable when angry, but I still know that they are good people.

Maybe they just did not know how to handle their negative emotions.

Have a blissful week!