Of Imperfect Scores and Negative Self-Talk

I was in the middle of fixing my old bags when I came across an old performance review. It was when I was still an office employee. I wondered why this particular evaluation was not where it was supposed to be (I normally place my evaluations in a box). I began to scan and noticed that my overall rating for this one was 3 out of 5! Looking back, I remembered how I used negative self-talk to myself, particularly about my skills. 

I remembered how devastated I felt when I received it and started to question myself: 

Am I not worthy of at least 4?
Am I that mediocre?
Maybe I am not that good enough…

Back then, this kind of situation usually affected my mood and gave me stress for at least a day! See, I have always been on the lookout for perfection or at least close to it. It was an expectation I had created for myself and being in the average spectrum just wouldn’t cut it. 

I recalled how I was so harsh and demeaning to myself each time I received some feedback I thought I didn’t deserve, then I thought I hadn’t work hard enough for it. Unknowingly, I tended to have a stream of negative thoughts about myself and this had heavily demotivated me back then. 

Self-talk

Our mind is made up of a continuous train of thought. It is so ever-flowing that sometimes it just feels like it has a mind of its own. The way that we think is usually determined by the circumstances around us and if we are not in tune with our inner voice, it may create internal chaos. 

Consciously or unconsciously, we are in constant communication with ourselves, and this is what we call self-talk. 
Self-talk is the communication we have with ourselves, something that we constantly do more often than you can imagine.

Good Voice vs Bad Voice

For us humans, criticisms have a bigger impact than compliments, and bad news gets more attention than good news. This cultivates more negative self-talk and thus, shifting it to more positive self-talk gets more challenging. 

I am no expert in psychology nor do I already master controlling my inner thoughts. However, through years of practice accompanied by consistent readings of personal development materials, I can say that I am more in tune with my inner voice that shifting to a more positive outlook becomes easier to accomplish. I learned that managing how I react to certain situations is solely my decision. 

About the 3 out of 5 rating? One evaluation didn’t reflect my entire work performance. So, I just accepted that people have different rating preferences and moved on.

Let’s shift that Negative Self-Talk to Positive Self-Talk, shall we? Here are helpful ways you may consider:

Be conscious of what you are thinking 

Like every self-motivating method, eliminating negative self-talk starts with awareness. When you are conscious of what you think, it will be easier for you to identify negative self-talk from positive ones. 

According to scientists, our brains are continually striving to form routines in order to save time and effort. Therefore, forming the habit of being conscious of our thoughts makes defaults our brains to run a program of positive thoughts. In other words, we have to program our brain to be aware of the negative thoughts and shift it to positive ones.

Keep a pocket-sized tickler notebook

The second step to creating awareness is to keep a record of it. Keeping a pocket-sized tickler notebook can do the job. You can also use a virtual notebook that you can keep on your smartphone. Record a ‘tick’ each time a negative thought comes by and try to shift it to a more positive vibe immediately. Check this tickler at the end of the day. You might be surprised by how many negative thoughts visit you!

Identify areas to change one at a time

Which areas in your life do you most think negatively about? Perhaps your relationships? Work? Business? Start by focusing on one small area and learn how to positively approach that little by little.  See the positives in it, and the small things you can appreciate.

Drop the negativity a notch

Eliminating negative thoughts completely is not a feasible goal. Therefore, instead of aiming to eradicate them, try to drop the negativity a notch to create neutrality. For example, instead of saying: ‘I cannot do this.’, say ‘Let’s try another approach at this.’

This change of perspective works wonders. Trust me!

Be kind to yourself

One essential part of self-love is to practice self-compassion. Usually, the negative self-talk we do is harsher than what we say to other people. In other words, you would think twice before you say remarks like: ‘I am so stupid or dumb’ to others. Since that’s the case, avoid words that are demeaning to yourself as well. Extend the same respect to yourself as you do to others.

Connect and interact with positive people

Habits are infectious, and so are words. We usually pick up habits of the people we surround ourselves with. Choose your circle. Above all, make sure to have a positive encouraging environment, including people. 

Practice positive self-talk

Positive words (as to Positive Self-Talk) lead to positive habits. Positive habits lead to positive actions. Positive actions lead to positive manifestations. 

According to the Law of Attraction, it is not impossible, but harder to get what we want when we don’t believe we are worth having it, therefore, so the internal work of believing we are worthy of having what we want is essential in the process of obtaining it. Likewise, WORDS – THOUGHTS – ACTIONS have to be all in sync. Thoughts are powerful energies we release to the universe. The things that we often think about are attracted by the energies we exude. Consequently, the more positivity we give out, the more positivity the world brings back.

Here are some examples of Negative Self-Talk and how to divert them to Positive Self-Talk:

Negative Self-Talk X Positive Self-Talk

I don’t think this will work.	This is worth a try.
I am so dumb and stupid.	I can do better next time.
I am not good at Math.	Math is something I can improve on.
I don’t have enough resources.	I can get help.
This is too difficult for me.	I will try it from a different angle.

                     
Let me end this blog with this quote from Beverly Engel, “The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused – And Start Standing Up for Yourself”:

“Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take its place. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself, learn from it and move on instead of obsessing about it. Equally important, don’t allow anyone else to dwell on your mistakes or shortcomings or to expect perfection from you.”

 Have a blissful week!