Steps to Raise Your Self-Esteem

We all have moments in our lives when we don’t feel at our best. When we feel we let ourselves or others down. When we know we could have done better. These moments, if we allow them, can contribute to a blow to our self-esteem. Especially if it is already weakened. Having low self-esteem is like driving with the hand-breaks halfway engaged. Release those false negative ideas about yourself. Let’s learn some steps to raise your self-esteem.

How to Detect You Have a Low Self-Esteem

First, let’s confirm this applies to you. Then follow the tip after each item to see how to turn it around.

Excessive Worry About What Others Think of You

Special attention to the word “excessive”: it is ok to want to be well accepted in a group and follow subtle social rules. What is not ok is to constantly act based on what people will think of you as a result. Sometimes, following our personal values is not the most popular thing to do, but it’s what feels right to us.

With low self-esteem, we would rarely be able to do what is right for us if we feel it would hurt others’ expectations of us. As you can imagine, this can create many roadblocks on our way to the life of our dreams.

Stop and think if that applies to you and make sure your guide to daily decisions is your heart and not someone else’s opinion on what you should do. The best way of doing this is asking yourself: “am I happy with this decision?”

Difficulty Accepting Compliments

If your self-esteem is down, even accepting a compliment may sound like veiled criticism, sarcasm, or plain lie. You tend to minimize your accomplishments instead of just saying “thanks”. Try that from now on whenever accepting a compliment. Just say “thank you”. Refrain from justifying, minimizing, or explaining. You did well and deserved a compliment. Take it!

Is Constantly Comparing

Who doesn’t suffer from an occasional attack of comparisonitis? There’s that work colleague who got a promotion already despite having less time in the company than you. There’s that mom at the local market who is always well-dressed and has perfect hair and skin while you look like a mess. The neighbor who just bought the new car you wanted but can’t afford. Our brains can go on and on with this game if we let them.

When our self-esteem is low, the comparison game happens almost like a radio station constantly turned on in the background, and the show is about how everyone else is doing better than us in one category or another. And they are, but guess what? You are doing better than them in other categories, but those are not the ones you are focusing on! So do yourself a favor and stop comparing, whether you’re “winning” or “losing”. Recognize everyone is on their own journey and each person has their ups and downs, and areas in their lives that are doing better than others, just like you.

Feels Threatened by Others

When your self-esteem is low, you may feel frequently threatened by others when it’s not really a threat. You feel personally attacked in situations that are really not about you at all. After all, people can only be going after you, isn’t that right? It’s not. Relax. People are not aiming at you to try to bring you down. You are already doing that yourself.

Remind yourself people are just doing their best with what they know. Most of the time, they do not even consider what effect their actions may have on you but think about themselves only. We all tend to think the world revolves around us, and other’s actions are aimed towards us. Let go of that notion. It’s usually not about us.

Cannot Accept Failure

You are a perfectionist and if you are not in the first place or have the best result ever, it’s just not good enough. You ended in second place and might as well have been the last (considering there were more than two competing).

You are judgmental of others but mostly of yourself. You always need to prove yourself.

Give yourself some grace and make it a point to celebrate small wins. You are a human, too, and you have come a long way. You made an effort. You had the best intentions. You showed up. Even if you didn’t win, recognize the effort and how you stretched and learned to get here. It is not really a failure unless you give up.

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem

If you recognized yourself in some of the items listed above, or feel you could use some ideas, here are some steps to raise your self-esteem that you could use:

Happiness is a Choice

Remember your thoughts determine your feelings, and your feelings determine your actions. If you feel constantly down (as long as it’s not a clinical depression, in which case you should look for professional help), shifting your focus can make a tremendous difference. Follow this link to an article on how to cultivate a positive mindset.

Focus on Your Goals

Goes without saying that you should first determine which are your goals. Once you have that, follow the blissful road that leads to them. Don’t let others’ opinions get in your way. Trust you can do it, get the help you need when you need support. Be persistent and follow through. Committing to your dreams is a huge self-esteem booster.

Practice Self-Care

Put yourself first for a change. Yes, you need to fill your cup first before taking care of others. It is not selfish. And your self-esteem will thank you very much. How does that look like? It looks different for everyone. For me, going for a massage appointment or a trip to the beach day with a friend do wonders for my self-esteem. Listening to music, working on a jigsaw puzzle, or watching a good movie are also on my self-care list. What fills your cup?

Expand Your World

Travel, read, watch tv shows or movies, however, you find ways to read stories from other people’s struggles and successes. You will find you have so much in common, you may learn from their experiences, and it will open your mind to different points of view.

Surround Yourself with Positivity

Protect yourself from people that bring your energy down, that are always complaining or criticizing. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Surround yourself with inspiring and motivational messages. The energy you surround yourself with will automatically make an impact on how you think and feel for the better.

You are smarter, braver, and stronger than you give yourself credit for. Start believing in yourself more. With better self-esteem, you will be going great places!