Getting Started Shifting Your Mindset
Do you feel you are constantly dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings? Like everything in your life is going wrong, there’s no hope, and as soon as you get out of bed you’re already pessimistic about anything working out well? Or are you discouraged as soon as the first thing goes wrong? Keep reading to see how this relates more to your choices than you think, and how you can get started on shifting your mindset to make things better.
Thoughts Lead to Feelings
To demonstrate what I mean, try this mental exercise: think about the last thing that happened in your life that upset you. Notice how, if you choose to chew on it, you will feel your blood pressure rise, your muscles tense up, and one negative thought will feed into another and grow like a snowball. Right now you must be feeling somewhere between stressed, frustrated, irritated, angry and upset.
This may seem out of control to you as you let your mind wonder on how unfair it all is. However, your feelings of happiness, sadness, and everything in between are actually a choice that you make. If you choose to be grateful for what you have, it will make you feel happy. Or you can choose to focus on what’s missing, what’s going wrong, and not the way you planned. The result? You’ll be miserable.
The truth is, the circumstances may be the same for two different people, but how they will feel about it ultimately depends on how each one reacts. You can choose to blame others, your situation, or anything external for your unhappiness. Or you can choose to look at things through different lenses and feel positive as a consequence.
Shifting Your Mindset – An Example
Once when I was younger I missed a flight to visit family and had to wait another 24 hours to be on the next flight. Not knowing any better, my reaction was to spiral into a drama response. I cried, I thought to myself “why me? why now?”, I felt like my life was falling apart because I’d be a day late. I cried so copiously by the airport check in that some older guy came talk some sense into me. He reminded me no one was hurt, or sick, and that nothing tragic had really happened for me to be reacting that way. It may not sound like it but it was helpful. I reassessed my drama that instant and realized he was right, then put myself together, thanked him, and came back the next day.
What I Would Have Done Today
If that had happened today (well, I became more careful since then but it could be the airline cancelled the flight, suppose), I’d put things a lot more into perspective. I’d feel sad for a moment about the missed day, but the truth is the day has not been lost. It had just not gone the way I had wished.
Instead, I’d feel grateful that I had been able to get a flight right the next day (as opposed to it not being available anytime soon). I would think about what good things I could do with the time that had been given me otherwise. If I had already planned on being out, that meant I had no other commitments. It meant, I had 24 hours totally open!
I think if that happened today I’d jump on the opportunity to finish reading a book I’m working on slowly on my spare time. That would make me feel very happy, instead of feeling sorry for myself like the younger me would have. It’s a choice.
Instead of spending 24 hours waiting to catch the next flight feeding feelings of pain and sorrow and focusing on all the lost opportunities, I know now I can intentionally find what good things can come of it, or that I can make of it. Basically, be to myself what that old guy had been. Flying out the next day would feel a lot more exciting after enjoying that restful fulfilling day, other than mulling over what a bad experience it had been to miss the flight. And just like that, you have made yourself happier in a less than ideal situation. If you ask me, that’s an amazing skill to have.
When it’s About You
Sometimes, it’s not the things that happen that disturb you or make you feel down. It is the feeling of knowing your imperfections and wishing you were somehow different. I’m all about self improvement, but certain things are just part of who we are. And we tend to get trapped feeling bad about ourselves, because we are not the way we wanted to be. In other words, we are not perfect!
The fact that we get bogged down about this fact of life (I wish I could be more of an extrovert, for example) only gets in the way of us feeling happy. I can get into a place full of people, spend an hour without exchanging words with anyone, then leave mad at myself for never making any new friends. Can you relate?
It is a good reminder that no one is perfect and our own expectations (and that of society) for perfection are just not possible. Or feasible. Or desired. So, until we let go of those expectations, we will continue to develop negative feelings toward ourselves or feeling like we are a failure. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Once you realize being perfect is not only impossible, but not desirable, if you want to learn how to release these expectations and learn to love yourself, you need to learn to embrace your imperfections.
The Positive Side of Your Imperfections
Once you begin to embrace your imperfections, you’ll see them more positively. There is a good side even to your imperfections! For example, if you are an introvert like me, you may as a consequence be a great listener, or a really thoughtful friend. And that can be a great thing!
Additionally, remind yourself no one is free of imperfections. Your neighbor may be a social butterfly, but maybe lack the organizational skills you have. So, start embracing your imperfections and realize that everyone has theirs.
Health Impact
One of the benefits of shifting your mindset around your imperfections is that you will stop constantly feeling so bad about them. While we are beating ourselves down about a trait we don’t have but wish we did, it only raises our stress levels. And the only thing we can really do about it won’t be to change ourselves, but our response to it. By embracing our imperfections and thinking about what good we can get from them, we improve our overall wellbeing.
Set Yourself Free
As a consequence of looking at the positive side of your imperfections and embracing them, you will feel free. While you were constantly pressing yourself to meet the demands you established but couldn’t, you felt trapped and unhappy. Once you release the pressure of being a certain way, you will feel lighter. It doesn’t mean giving yourself a free pass or being irresponsible, but doing things in your own way. Relying on the skills you have rather than feeling inappropriate for not having the ones you wish you did.
Focus on Your Skills
Everybody is great at something. When you start focusing on your talents and not your imperfections, you focus on who you truly are. You are no longer chasing an ideal you cannot live up to. And when your true self starts shining, you will live a more authentic, fulfilling life. Break the chain, and stop trying to be what you are not.
Give yourself the permission to stop trying to be perfect or to please everybody.
Conclusion
There are external circumstances and personal traits that are not what we expected or wanted them to be. How we respond to these situations or facts will impact on our level of happiness. It is more at our reach than we imagine, though. We just need to know to make the right decisions on what to think about them and put things under a different perspective. We need to shift out mindset around them!
Be grateful for the good that you have. As always, what you focus on, expands!
