How to Overcome Worry

In Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence, he starts by talking about Aristotle’s challenge:

“Anybody can become angry. What is not easy is to be angry with the right person and to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way.”

We can draw a direct correlation to our feelings of worry. As in with fear, these can be very valid feelings, originated in facts and aimed at protecting us from real danger. However, in modern days, the reality is most of these fears and concerns are fabricated by our brains and not helpful. In many cases, they can be harmful.

So how do we determine if these thoughts and feelings of worry are worth keeping or if we should work on turning them around? And if they are not worth keeping, how to overcome them?

Identifying legitimate concerns

First of all, we need to recognize these thoughts and feelings and not outright try to fight them off. As with any feelings, trying to suffocate them will probably only strengthen them and backfire. So acknowledge them, then question: what is the worse that could happen? What are the chances? If it does happen, could something good come out of it? Can I find supporting evidence to the opposite? Does it help to devote a lot of my time worrying about it?

Of course that if the answers are positive, and there is a real threat, you should take measures to protect yourself.
Let’s say for example that you see something flammable near your kitchen stove while you’re cooking dinner. You should obviously worry that it could catch fire and take a preventive action such as removing it from the danger zone.
On the other hand, if you are worried your cooking won’t taste good when you’re done, especially when it usually comes out great, it’s time to question if it’s worth to let that worry live in your head.

These are obviously simple examples and we tend to worry about a wide range of things (many of them very unlikely to happen), but you get an idea. The point is to identify if there is a real motive for extended concern, and action.

How to overcome concerns

Once you’ve determined you are feeling concerned about something that: is not valid / you cannot really do anything about, there are some actions you can and should take to alleviate this condition. When you spend too much of your time worrying relentlessly, it could have many negative impacts in your life. If you are a chronic worrier, you may be familiar with them: body aches (including headaches), lack of energy, fatigue, procrastination, moodiness, irritability, higher blood pressure, in some cases even panic attacks.

These are negative patterns of thought your brain may have been trained to operate in (unwillingly). It could partly be a result of genetic programming and experiences you’ve had in childhood. The good news is there are ways to reprogram it.

Tips for overcoming worry

Is too much unwarranted worrying interfering with your day to day life, affecting you physically and emotionally, affecting your relationships? Here are some tips on how to turn it around:

Don’t fight with your thoughts

As mentioned above, accept them when they come and then do the reality check. Is there something you can do about it? Then take action. Are they realistic? If not, keep on reading.

Vent with someone

Talk it out with a friend or loved one – or a therapist. That is also helpful in double-checking your need for clinging on to it. Sometimes just being heard helps unload the thoughts from your head.

Journal about it

Putting it on paper is also another fabulous way of taking it out of your head. Once you write it down, you’ve given it the attention it needed and you enable yourself to process it and move away from it. Write everything that comes to your mind related to your concern, all that could happen, no censorship. Then rip the piece of paper into a garbage can or even burn it down (safely). It’s a great symbolic way to process, release, and let go.

Turn it around

Say, if you worry about the Earth’s health and all the things humans are doing to harm the Earth (and with climate change that is a legitimate concern), remind yourself of how you’ve done your part toward leading a sustainable life (otherwise, what else could you do?), and of how many people are actively fighting for it (specially young people!) and making a positive difference. It doesn’t mean you can’t do more or that this is not something to worry about – but it’s about identifying, doing your part, accepting you will not have complete control, and stop worrying excessively about it.
This is just an example, but you see how this can apply to many other situations!

Separate yourself from it

What this means is you don’t want to get entangled with your feelings of concern. Practice acknowledging, and identifying them as concerns. Don’t get emotionally attached to them. Don’t identify yourself as a “worrier”. You “worry about things”: that’s different. You take the actions you are able to, and let them go.

Practice relaxation techniques

Stretching, meditation, yoga and calming breathing are some great techniques for relaxing your body and mind, helping you release tension and feelings of stress and unnecessary worry.
For a breathing exercise, for example, try to find a quiet place to sit down, close your eyes and pay attention to your breathing. Relax your shoulders, the muscles on your face, and try to take slow deep breaths. Focus on your body expanding from each breath in, and out. Set a timer and do this for 5 minutes.

Conclusion

Next time you identify a thought of worry in your mind, you will know better how to handle it. Don’t let them linger. Don’t judge yourself for having them either. Your brain’s goal is always to protect you! Be grateful for it – then verify if it’s an opportunity for action, or deflection.
Is the reaction proportional to the situation, to the right degree, and in the right way, as in Aristotle’s challenge?
Give yourself some time to go over the possibilities in your mind if needed – but give it a time limit. Pro-tip: use a timer. This is how long I’ll give attention to this – then move on.
Deep breaths – you’ve got this!