How To Practice Gratitude
One afternoon a few weeks ago, while I was walking outside work during my lunch break, I had a short but incredibly adorable interaction with a little girl. She was walking alongside her mom and was holding a mylar helium balloon on her left hand. Suddenly, the string slipped from her fingers and the balloon swiftly flew. Being only two steps away, I ran and reached for the string before it flew to the heavens. I grasped it quickly and became a superhero at that very moment.
I expected a little “thank you” but what she did caught me completely off-guard. She passed the string to her mom, opened her red backpack and reached for a small folder. She then gave me a makeshift gift card with the words “Thank You So Much”. It was even complete with drawn decorations of flowers, bushes and a few bees.
“My teacher made us do five of these to give to people. I gave one to my mom for the pony balloon.” She said with a smile on her face. She then gave me a quick hug and waved goodbye. I was so surprised that I did not know how to respond properly and just stood on the sidewalk for a good minute. It made me ponder on my attitude of gratitude.
That piece of paper is now magnet-pinned on my fridge along with old to-do lists. Upon putting it there, I stepped back and had an epiphany.
The surface of my fridge is like my life. I am so hyper-focused on my problems that it took a preschooler to teach me how to practice gratitude. Then and there, I did a little research, listened to dozens of podcasts and posted questions on online forums about being grateful.
I am a grown adult, priding myself with my skills and knowledge on computers, being a software developer. But when it comes to gratitude I had to go back to basics. I knew what it meant, but forgot how it felt like.
What is Gratitude?
Oxford Dictionaries define gratitude as “The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” What I understood by that is gratitude is a combination of factors. It is three elements in one attitude: Emotion, demonstration and inspiration.
Emotion
The quality of being thankful. It is what we feel when we encounter good things. It is the concoction of dopamine and serotonin – the ‘feel good’ hormones.
Demonstration
Readiness to show appreciation. These are our body language, our tone of speaking and the actual words we say. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words.
Inspiration
To return kindness. It is our response. Do we let this feeling of gratitude stop within ourselves or do we cause it to ripple it toward others. Do we pay it forward?
Much like a plant, gratitude as a habit requires mindful cultivation. We practice gratitude by intentionally thinking of the great things that happened to us and others. Harnessing inward satisfaction that affects our outward spheres of influence. And much like a plant, after constant care, our psyche can turn into a garden of good thoughts translating to good living.
Why be grateful?
Thinking back, before my elating encounter with the little girl, my life was all over the place. I was always worrying and overthinking, affecting multiple aspects of my life, even my sleep. I always wake up feeling unrested. Gratitude practice helped me pick myself up and paved the way to a healthier way of thinking and living. Here are some benefits of gratitude you will surely be thankful for:
Gratitude will earn you new friends
As simple as it is, being grateful will gain you friends. In fact, according to a 2014 study from the University of New South Wales, expressing gratitude sends a valuable signal that you are someone open to a high-quality relationship.
Gratitude will build your self-esteem
I used to be envious of people who earn more than myself. It affected my performance as an employee and my attitude as a colleague. I always thought maybe I am not that good yet. But when I started keeping a journal of the things I am thankful for (more on this later, so keep on reading!), I witnessed the slow and subtle transformation of my own confidence on my skills. This is also true for the athletes who participated in the 2014 study published in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology. After consistent daily practice of gratefulness, data showed that they increased their self-esteem and belief to their coach. Thus, positively affecting their overall performance.
Gratitude will improve your mental well-being
You could be on your lowest point of your life right now and just a few triggers away to an anxiety attack or a meltdown. But even as you are at this point, just knowing that you made it this far and fostering an appreciation for yourself will benefit you greatly. A 2003 study by Robert A. Emmons and Michael E. McCullough found that gratitude contributed immensely to the people’s resilience following the September 11 terrorist attacks. Just being mindful of our blessings nurtures our resilience.
Dr. Caroline Leaf, one of the biggest names in neuropsychology and author of “Switch On Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health”, also recommends a lifestyle of gratitude. In a Facebook post, she said, when we feel anxious, we should find something to be thankful for. “. . . your brain releases neurotransmitters and neurohormones that will boost mood, focus, [and] clear thinking. . .”
How can I be grateful?
In theory, gratitude is easy – we all learned it as kids. But in practice, it is like learning how to ride a bike again. It requires consistent mindfulness. Also like riding a bike, it’s rare that you learn it on your first pedal. Some people fall down quite a few times. But it’s okay, we all have a learning curve. In order to help you with your journey of gratitude, I have compiled a list of tips which we know actually work!
Acceptance
To begin with, you have to accept that adopting a new habit requires a great deal of time and effort. Read this sentence out loud: Change takes time. Multiple studies suggest that it takes 21 days to break a habit and replace it with a new one, but to avoid falling back into the old habit, we must continue practicing for two more 21-day cycles (42 days). In total, it takes 63 days to interweave gratitude into every aspect of our living.
Gratitude Journal
The oldest trick in the book. Keeping a journal of the things you are grateful for helps you materialize your emotions and strengthens its impacts. Apart from this, your journal can be a great reminder of how great life is during the days when the clouds seem to be darker. I, myself tried to start journaling on my phone. The thing is, I forget. For many of us, phones are a stimulus for stress. Whenever I open my phone, my thumb automatically taps on my email inbox, even though sometimes I was going to use it for other things. So, I decided to buy a handy notebook which slides into the most accessible pocket of my bag. Since then, journaling made more sense.
I update my journal right after the moment they happen. This way, I will not forget the details and I can preserve the actual feeling when I translate it to words. On busy days, I usually write three short entries and they go more or less like this.
October 28, 2020
3:30 PM
Ralph from the coffee shop gave me a free bagel sandwich. He’s closing early today to drive to his mom’s for her birthday. The bagel was toasted with bacon, egg and cheese.
(This is an actual entry from my gratitude journal.)
‘Thank You’ Notes
It may sound too cheesy for some, but writing ‘thank you’ notes is one of the best ways to spread positivity. Once in a piece of paper, people can take them home, put it in their wallets, pin it onto their fridge, or take a photo and share on their social media. You will be surprised at how rare people receive simple ‘thank you’ notes.
When I return anything, I make sure that I put a post-it note with the words “Thank you for lending this to me.” When I tip the waiting staff at a restaurant, I write “Thank you for your awesome service.” at the back of the receipt. After an Uber ride, I write a review for the driver.
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Generosity
One thing I learned is that the biggest factor to our ungratefulness is our unquenchable thirst for more. Our society revolves around feeding our desire to acquire more money, more belongings, and more fame. It has gotten so bad that we forget to celebrate small wins. Another thing I learned is: generosity cancels greed. Once we stop focusing on ourselves and start looking beyond us, we will realize how blessed or lucky we are to be living the lives we have.
Being generous does not only entail financial donations (although if you can pledge any amount for a cause, feel free to do so). You can use any of your resources to be generous. You can volunteer at the closest soup kitchen in your area. You can use your voice on social media channels to advocate and spread awareness on an issue. You can get involved in local communities and help with whatever they are needing at the moment. You can donate food to your local food pantry. The act of giving will foster a deeper sense of one’s gratitude.
Disconnection / Connection
Another factor that keeps us generally dissatisfied with our lives is social media. Don’t get me wrong, these platforms were created with the good in mind. However, research after research shows that there is indeed a growing rate of unhappiness especially among teens who are avid users of social media. A famous psychologist named Leon Festinger theorized that individuals deduce their self worth based on “how they stack up against each other”. He called it the Social Comparison Theory.
This may not be for everyone, but disconnecting from your social media accounts will let you focus on your real relationships. You can get outdoors more often. You do not have to delete your Facebook and Instagram accounts, but you can disable or uninstall these apps from your phone. You can still browse your feed on the computer when you want to. This way, you’ll be able to break the cycle social comparison and practice being more mindful of the beautiful world around you.
When you don’t feel like it
Some days are just more difficult than the others. Having a grateful attitude does not mean you have to invalidate your negative emotions. It’s okay to complain. We complain because we want something better; and wanting something better is human nature. It’s how we survived the test of time. What’s great about gratitude is that it can take the place of dissatisfaction. For example;
Instead of whining about my salary, I asked myself what I can do to address my dissatisfaction. It took me a lot of courage before I spoke to my boss asking for a raise – which I didn’t get. Thankfully, there was an explanation as to why that cleared it up for me and what I needed to do to get it. I felt a bit sad at that moment but I turned my focus on the fact that I still have my job.
It’s your turn
If you read this far, I would like to sincerely thank you for your time. And as an exercise of your gratitude, why don’t you share this blog to your family, friends, and colleagues?
Remember how a simple emotion can spark positive manifestations and in turn be an inspiration. It’s your turn to emanate gratefulness to the people around you. It’s your turn to be that little girl who changes one life at a time.
